About Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT)

Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is a humanistic-existential-constructivist, active-directive, philosophically and empirically based psychotherapeutic and psychological system of theory and practices developed American psychologist Albert Ellis, Ph.D. REBT is a cognitive-behavioral and psychoeducational therapeutic system and is a comprehensive approach to enhancing human functioning and can is applied to a wide array of clinical and non-clinical problems. The ultimate goal of REBT is for people to make a profound philosophical shift at the most elegant level possible - so that they become less disturbable and empowering them to lead a reasonable happy and fulfilling life even when they are afflicted with unfortunate circumstances.

Torbjoern Westergaard Stornes , 2007-2008. Note: The author is an amateur REBT enthusiast and not a trained psychotherapist or counselor. This article is intended only as a brief general introduction to REBT.

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REBT conceives humans as incredibly complex biosocial creatures with a strong tendency to pursue and establish a wide variety of goals, purposes and values; generally to survive, have minimal pain and a reasonable amount of happiness, meaning and fulfilment both in their personal and social lives. For people then to know whether or not they are on the right track, they also naturally evaluate things in relation to these same goals, purposes and values. REBT then postulates that when anything that is sabotaging and obstructing (or when they themselves sabotage and obstruct) the fulfilment of these wants, wishes, preferences and desires, people to a large degree have a choice of the emotional and behavioral destiny through the interrelated beliefs, emotions and behaviors they construct in relation to these adversities and their preferences, wants and desires. Albert Ellis (Ellis, 2003a, p.23-24) explains this further through the three major insights of REBT:

Insight #1 - People seeing and accepting the reality that their emotional disturbances at point C do not stem from the activating events or adversities at point A that precede C. Although A contributes to C, and although strong negative A’s (such as being assaulted or raped) are much more likely to be followed by disturbed C’s (such as feelings of panic and depression) than they are to be followed by weak A's (such as being disliked by a stranger), the main or more direct cores of emotional disturbances (C's) are people’s irrational beliefs—the absolutistic musts and their accompanying inferences and attributions that people strongly believe about their undesirable activating events.

Insight #2 - No matter how, when, and why people acquire self-defeating, irrational beliefs that mainly lead to their dysfunctional, emotional-behavioral consequences, if they are disturbed today, they tend to keep holding these irrational beliefs and upsetting themselves by them not because they held them in the past but because they are still actively, though often unconsciously, reaffirming them and acting as if they are still valid. They still follow, in their minds and in their hearts, the core musturbatory philosophies that they may have taken over or invented years ago, or that they have more recently accepted or constructed for themselves.

Insight # 3 - No matter how well they have achieved insight 1 and insight 2, insight alone will rarely enable people to undo their emotional disturbances. They may feel better when they know, or think they know, how they became disturbed and are still making themselves upset largely because they believe these insights to be useful and curative. It is unlikely, however, that they will really get better and stay better unless they accept insights 1 and 2 and also go on to 3: There is usually no way but work and practice—yes, work and practice—to keep looking for and finding one’s core irrational beliefs; to actively, energetically, and scientifically dispute them; to replace one’s absolutist musts with flexible preferences; to change one's unhealthy feelings to healthy, self-helping emotions; and to firmly act against one’s dysfunctional fears and compulsions. Only by a combined cognitive, emotive, and behavioral, as well as a quite persistent and forceful, attack on one's serious emotional problems is one likely to significantly ameliorate or remove them—and keep them removed.

REBT posits that humans seem to have innate biological tendencies and leanings, in addition to their social learning that helps them, to construct, act on and give into explicit and implisit dysfunctional thoughts–feelings–behaviors (for simplicity referred to in this article as beliefs) about adversities in their lives and their preferences and desires.

REBT theory posits that humans, while being in constant interaction with their environment are having distinct intrapsychic and overlapping processes. Founder Albert Ellis further emphasises the complexity of these processes in regard to mental health and emotional disturbances (Ellis, 1994):

"Human beings are exceptionally complex, and there neither seems to be any simple way in which they become "emotionally disturbed," nor is there a single way in which they can be helped to be less-defeating. Their psychological problems arise from their misperceptions and mistaken cognitions about what they perceive; from their emotional underreactions or overreactions to normal and unusual stimuli; and from their habitually dysfunctional behavior patterns, which enable them to keep repeating nonadjustive responses even when they "know" that they are behaving poorly."

REBT generally holds that in regard to emotional disturbance and human dysfunctioning, human thinking, feeling and behaving interact in complex ways, and that these are all distinctly interrelated, not disparate, and include important aspects of the other two processes. REBT further argues that even though humans vary in their disturbability, literally all people at times bring their ability to disturb themselves to their experiences. In other words people are born and prone with a tendency to disturb themselves, and since they are suggestible and conditionable (especially during early years) dysfunctioning and self-defeating tendencies are exacerbated by environmental factors. The good news, however, is that in addition to engaging in and constructing disturbances, people are also innate constructivists and are therefore to a considerable degree left with agency and choices. People can to a certain degree (although with much difficulty) identify, refute and revise the philosophical assumptions, meanings, interpretations and evaluations they attribute to adverse events and their preferences and desires.

As Ellis points out (Ellis, 2003a):

"People are born and reared with the ability to look at the data of their lives, particularly the negative things that happen to them against their goals and interests, and to make inaccurate inferences and attributions about these data." With REBT the goal therefore is to identify the irrational ideas we disturb ourselves through and then to forcefully and emotionally dispute and challenge them, and come up with more rational and self-helping ones. By using different methods and activities, we are through hard work able to gain more rational, logical, constructive and self-helping way of thinking, emoting and behaving."

Irrational, self-defeating and dysfunctional thoughts–feelings–behaviors (beliefs)

REBT claims that at the core of people' s emotional disturbances are their overt or tacid irrational, dysfunctional and self-defeating beliefs. By strongly adhering to destructive thoughts-feelings-behaviors when they face adversities, they tend to think, feel and behave in ways which impede pursuits of their goals, values and purposes and debilitate them to change or make constructive adjustments to their problems. By devoutly holding them, they tend to overwhelm themselves with unhealthy negative emotions like horror, terror, anxiety, self-downing, depression, guilt, shame, hurt and rage in addition to indulge in unrealistic and skewed thinking when faced with adversity. The nature of these beliefs is that they are not only inflexible and extreme, but that that they are also unrealistic, illogical, unhelpful and conducive to psychological disturbance and impaired interpersonal relationships. At the center of these beliefs are predominantly narrow and grandiose demands, where they dogmatically and rigidly command and insist that their wants, desires, likes and wishes absolutely must be fulfilled, and downright refuse to accept reality unless it absolutely conforms to these.

People can direct the irrational beliefs toward themselves, others and the conditions they live under, and three interdependent dysfunctional and extreme beliefs almost invariably are accompanied by these rigid dogmatic demands, insistencies and commands (Dryden & Neenan, 2003):

(a) Awfulizing which involves rating unwanted events so terrible that it seems to slip off the scale of human understanding and worse than it absolutely could be. Nothing could be worse, no good can come out of it and nothing else in ones life is important. When something is "awful" it is (a) exceptionally bad, (b) totally bad or (c) more than bad.
(b) Low Frustration Tolerance (LFT) is the perceived inability to endure discomfort or frustration. That one will die or disintegrate and loose the capacity for happiness. Further it is believed that since it is intolerable and that it is not worth tolerating either.
(c) Depreciation is the tendency to depricate oneself, others and/or the world, on the basis on a small part of the whole, without taking into account the fluidity and complexity of self and ones life conditions.

Founder Albert Ellis points out that there are basically three main irrational and self-defeating core philosophies people tend to disturb themselves through (Ellis, 1998; 2001a; 2001b):

"I absolutely MUST, under practically all conditions and at all times, perform well (or outstandingly well) and win the approval (or complete love) of significant others. If I fail in these important—and sacred!—respects, that is awful and I am a bad, incompetent, unworthy person, who will probably always fail and deserves to suffer."

By holding this belief people tend to destructively loathe their entire self and thereby castigating themselves mercilessly, deploring their natural human weakness, inadequacies and imperfections. People then self-deatingly rate their entire selves, their totality, and put themselves down as wholly bad when their traits, deeds and acts are in-effective. This belief tend to contributes to feelings of anxiety, panic, depression, despair, and worthlessness (Ellis, 2003a).

"You, your bastard, with whom I relate or associate, absolutely MUST, under practically all conditions and at all times, treat a doll like me nicely, considerately and fairly. Otherwise, it is terrible and you are rotten, bad, unworthy people who will always treat me badly and do not deserve a good life and should be severely punished or pulverised for acting so abominably to noble me!"

By holding this belief people tend to depricate, damn and despise other people who treat them unfairly and not as "they should, ought and must do", making themselves consumed with rage and fury. This non-acceptance of others occurs when others do the “wrong”, “immoral” and “unfair” things to them, so that they in a destructive manner start condemning and damning others. This belief tend to contribute to feelings of anger, rage, fury, and vindictiveness and to actions like feuds, wars, fights, genocide, and ultimately, an atomic holocaust (Ellis, 2003a).

"The conditions under which I live absolutely MUST, at practically all times, be favourable, safe, hassle-free, and quickly and easily enjoyable, and if they are not that way it's awful and horrible and I can't bear it. I can't ever enjoy myself at all. My life is impossible and hardly worth living!"

By holding this belief, people tend to disturb themselves about the past, present and future state of the world and conditions of under which they live. This they do by turning unfortunate and bad situations, raising them to a non-existent enormity, believing that they can absolutely not cope and never find happiness ever again. In essence they do this by trying to control the universe beyond the realms of reality with their rigid commands and awfulizing. This belief then tend to contribute to low-frustration tolerance, self-pity, anger, depression, and to behaviours such as procrastination, avoidance, addictions and inaction (Ellis, 2003a).

Alternative rational, self-constructive and self-helping thoughts–feelings–behaviors (beliefs)

REBT argues that mental wellness and productive interpersonal relationships, to a large degree, tend to be related to a surfeit of rational, self-constructive and self-helping overt or tacit beliefs when people are faced with adversities. Because people largely tend to upset themselves through their thoughts-feelings-behaviors, they can greatly help themselves when they examine, question and think about these and develop more workable, self-helping set of constructs. When people face negative events through rational, self-constructive and self-helping beliefs they tend to think, feel and behave in ways which motivate them to change or make constructive adjustments to adversities and aid pursuits of basic goals and purposes. These beliefs are predominantly rooted in flexible, non-absolutistic and non-dogmatic wants, desires, likes and wishes, and are flexible since they accept the possibility that their goals might not always be fulfilled. They therefore accept reality even when it does not conform to their strong wants, but work to change it when possible so that it would be more in accordance with their wants. When their wants are not fulfilled, rational beliefs tend to contribute to realistic and balanced thinking in addition to healthy negative emotions like concern, sadness, regret, grief, annoyance, displeasure, remorse, disappointment, sorrow and annoyance.

People can direct the rational beliefs toward themselves, others and the conditions they live under, and three interdependent non-extreme and constructive beliefs almost invariably are accompanied by these preferential wants, desires, likes, dislikes and wishes (Dryden & Neenan, 2003):

(a) Rating or Evaluating Badness/Anti-awfulizing involves rating an unwanted event along a 0–100% continuum of badness. One accepts unfortunate conditions because they exist, refuses to awfulize about them, and instead rationally evaluates their badness. One realizes that good can come out of the events and that things always could be worse. One further acknowledges that one also has other desires that can be met, if now now, at some time in the future.
(b) High Frustration Tolerance/Tolerance (HFT) : One acknowledges and accepts the existence of frustration although one do not like experiencing it. That one will not die from it nor disintegrate, and one does stand it and the event is even worth tolerating. By holding HTF one sees that one also will be more effective in getting what one wants, and will not loose the capacity for happiness, although one for a while is frustrated. One acknowledges that happiness can be gained in other areas of ones life, if not now, at some time in the future.
(c) Acceptance of Fallibility: One accepts oneself and others as in a state of continuous change and as highly fallible, limited and imperfect human beings, whose essence or being can never legitimately be given a single global rating. One also accepts the world and life conditions as being complex and fluid, and composed of both good, bad, and neutral events. In other words one accepts the incredible imperfect nature and fallibility of self, others, and the world, as they exist.

Albert Ellis promotes these three core rational, self-constructive and self-helping philosophies (Ellis, 1998; 2001a; 2001b):

Unconditional self-acceptance (USA)

Unconditional other-acceptance (UOA)

Unconditional life-acceptance (ULA)

The REBT therapeutic process

REBT has an explicit model of how people disturb themselves and then what they need to do to un-disturb themselves for then to enable them to lead happier and more fulfilling lives. Often the first step in REBT therapy is that the client acknowledges that he has a problem, accepts emotional responsibility for the problem and has willingness to change. Maladaptive consequences and symptoms can be found both on cognitive (unrealistic and skewed thinking), emotional (debilitating feelings) and behavioural (destructive and unadaptive behaviours and action tendencies) levels. In addition people often develop symptoms about their symptoms, in that they disturb themselves because they disturb themselves (so-called secondary disturbing symptoms). These tendencies therefore often need to be addressed before the primary problem becomes accessible to change.

The essence of REBT then is to excavate (to pinpoint and identify) devoutly held maladaptive and destructive thoughts-feelings-behaviors and then to start question, challenge, dispute and attack these in a multi-modal manner and through that process - deepen their conviction in and actively and forcefully change them into more rational self-helping ones. It should be noted that this process is not likely to be easy, since people are both biologically and sociologically prone to disturb themselves. And although functional thoughts–feelings–behaviors are at the core of mental health, acquiring them consistently and fully is almost anti-human and utopian, since people are reared and prone to react on the basis of their irrational and dysfunctional self-propagandizing. Some people are in many instances literally addicted to and sometimes devout in their self-defeating constructions and it is therefore very unlikely for them to entirely get rid of these tendencies. Still with hard and constant work and practice it is possible in consistent manner to minimize maladaptive and destructive tendencies.

In REBT therapy and counselling with clients it is common to in a suitable therapeutic climate through a proper working alliance, work at specific target problems at a specific level for then generalise clients learning to other relevant specific situations. To first work on situation-specific irrational and self-defeating beliefs, and then look for themes among these beliefs to detect the possible presence of core irrational and self-defeating beliefs and schemas. The REBTer then is the exposing and sceptical scientist, and the REBT therapists in collaboration with the client teaches him to be his own self-therapist for the rest of his life.

To better explain REBT, let us look at the cyclical and interactional ABC-framework of psychological disturbance and psychological change (Dryden & Neenan, 2003; Ellis, 2001b):

A (Activating event): The A represents an actual or psychological event, self-induced or not, that blocks people from getting what they want or give them what they don't not want. The critical A then is the aspect the situation which activates and triggers the belief held at B which tend to account for significant responses at C. The critical A can be inferred or real, external or an internal events and can be related both to situations in the past, something in the present or the future.

i.e. Situation: I am not greeted by a colleague when I pass him at a grocery store.
Critical A: I infer, “Since he did not greet me, that must mean that he does not like me.”

Although the critical A might be inaccurate, it often temporarily assumed it is true, so that one will be able to get to the belief about the A at B. It should be stressed that B is also influencing A in that the B makes people prone to make specific inferences at A, and that A exists in the context of many factors.

B (Belief): The B then represents the implicit and explicit beliefs (Believing-Emoting-Behavings) about the critical A in relation to a person's desires and preferences and is by nature fully and explicitly evaluative.

i.e. “It is important for me to be liked by my colleagues, and because it is important to me I ABSOLUTELY NEED be liked by them. If I then am not to be liked by a colleague, that would prove that I am somewhat of a lesser person.”

C (Consequence): C represent the consequence; both cognitively, emotionally and behaviourally of holding a set of beliefs (again meaning a combination of dysfunctional integral thoughts-feelings-behaviors) at B about the critical A. Again, both the A and the B (A x B) contributes to the consequence of adversity at C. It should be stressed however that the A, B and C are virtually never monolithic but interrelated, reciprocal and in highly complex ways influence each other.

i.e. Emotional consequence: Anxiety and depression & Behavioural consequence and action tendency: Compulsive behavior and rigidly obsessing about being liked by my colleagues

D (Disputing): The focus on D, is in a wide arrange of ways dispute, question and refute the irrational and self-defeating constructs at B, and to end up with an effective new philosophy at E. This process is done cognitively, emotively and behaviourally though various techniques and methods. A classic disputing-process is done by testing the belief both realistically/empirically, logically and practically/heuristically. Realistically by asking for evidence that the belief is empically consistant with reality, logically by asking if the belief makes sense and is logically consistent and practically then by asking where holding the belief will get one.

i.e.
Realistic Disputing: “What law in the universe says that it is a dire necessity to be liked by my colleagues? Where is the evidence that if I am not liked by one of them that this somehow makes me a lesser person?”
Logical Disputing: “How does it follow that because I want to be liked by my colleagues, that I absolutely have to? How is it is true that I if they do not like me, that this quite magically makes me inferior?”
Pragmatic disputing: “Will holding the belief that I have to be liked by my colleagues, help me or hurt me in getting what I want and dealing it?”

E (Effective New Philosophy): The goal of the change process at D is to come up with and devise a new effective philosophy which will tend to contribute to less debilitating and more healthy emotions, more realistic and balanced thinking and constructive behaviours at E.

i.e.
New Effective Philosophy: “Although I very much want and desire to be liked by my colleagues, that certainly does not mean that it is absolutely necessary for me. It actually is their right and privilege to not like me if they alas don't. I in all probability will be liked by some colleagues and naturally not by others. Therefore some may naturally not like me if I am not their cup of tea. Tough. If I am not liked by them, that does not to any degree magically make me an lesser individual - only a person that is quite naturally not liked by all of his collegues. Even If I would not be liked by any of my colleagues, which is very very unlikely, I could even then still choose to accept myself as a human. That is my human prerogative.”
New constructive behaviours: Rigorously but not compulsively and rigidly striving and working at being liked by my colleagues
New healthy emotions: Natural concern about being liked by them in the future, sadness if not being liked by a colleague

Re-examination of A: He may not have ignored me deliberately; he may not have seen me - who knows.

According to REBT a genuine therapeutic change process, would have to be done in a multimodal manner to be effective (Ellis, 2001b); To ingrain new effective philosophies they'd better therefore be held emotionally (forcefully, powerfully and persistently) and by acted on (held actively and assiduously). REBT applies a holistically integrated methodology with many cognitive and philosophizing methods, many emotive, evocative and experiential methods and many behavioral and activity methods. Underneath is a list of some of the methods used in REBT:

Method	Description
Show/Hide COGNITIVE AND PHILOSOPHIZING METHODS
Disputing and questioning irrational and dysfunctional beliefs	Uncovering, disputing and annihilating irrational self-defeating beliefs and change them into more rational self-helping ones by using realistic, logical and pragmatic disputation in a persistent manner.
Rational coping statements	Prepare, go through and internalize rational coping statements and effective new philosophies.
Double-standard dispute	Question whether holding an irrational ideas about oneself also is applied to significant others. Focus is on uncovering double-standards and philosophic inconsistencies.
Reframing	To look at adversities in a more balanced, constructive and sensible light and see they may include good as well as bad aspects.
Disputing rational beliefs	Dispute rational beliefs to deepen conviction in and see how these beliefs are self-helping, self-constructive, logical and realistic
Referenting/ Cost-benefit analysis	To review and make a list of the benefits/advantages and costs/disadvantages in efforts and for indulging in certain behaviors and indulgencies.
Using general semantics	Learn semantic precision and to use appropriate and precise language in a rational and constructive manner through the framework of General Semantics (GS).
Proselytizing	Use REBT to try to help friends and relatives to overcome their disturbances and by that may help annihilate ones own upsetness.
Psychoeducational methods	To use REBT/CBT books, pamphlets, articles, DVDs, videos, podcasts, CDs and other self-help material to solidify the use of REBT methods.
Modeling	To model oneself after the healthy attitudes and behavior of a good role model.
Constructivist Solution-Focused Methods	Recalling the use of earlier successful methods by replaying and using them again to resolve present difficulties. Experimenting with and constructing effective solutions to recurring disturbances.
Anti-catastophizing and anti-awfulizing	Facing an imagined "catastrophe" by estimating on a scale how likely it is to happen, picture the best outcome, reflect on the chances of this event occurring, how many others suffering from a similar "catastrophe" and what could happen if the "horror" did occur and how to deal with it.
Achieving a Vital Absorbing Interest	To passionately and vitally absorb oneself in some long-range pursuit in order to create a more self-fulfilling life and distract oneself to a long-range project or interest.
Show/Hide EMOTIVE, EVOCATIVE, DRAMATIC AND EXPERIENTIAL METHODS
Time projection/ Time-tripping	To vividly visualise an unwanted event occurring, then imagine going forward in time a week, then a month, then six months, then two years and so on, considering how one will be feeling at each of these points in time.
Forceful disputing and coping statement (recording)	To in a forceful, powerful, vigorous manner dispute self-defeating ideas and put down and go through coping statements and effective philosophies. These can then be recorded and listen to, and then revised and re-recorded until they are made as forceful and convincing as possible.
Cognitive flooding	To vividly imagine a dreaded negative event having irrational beliefs many times for then to get satiated with it and figure an elegant way out of this situation.
Rational Role-playing	Through role-playing enact conflicts with other people by revealing profound feelings and look for dysfunctional ideas and work at changing them. Or to role-play a fearful situation where onlookers interupt and show how to do better, tell when and how the player disturbs himself and help to dispute it.
Devil's advocate/ Reverse role-play	A third person takes and enacts the disturbed person's self-defeating ideas and vigorously argues for them. The disturbed person then is commended to talk the third person out of these ideas.
The 'blow-up' technique	To imagine an obnoxious event occurring and then blow it up out of all proportion until one cannot help but be amused by it.
Rational Emotive Imagery	To repeatedly and vividly imagine one of the worst things that could happen, feeling upset and imploding this disturbed feeling and - then keeping the image in mind - working at prescribing and producing healthy negative feelings. To then determine what kind philosophizing was done to allieviate the disturbance.
Use of humor	To humorously assail and make fun of irrational ideas, see them in a humoristic light and work at not taking things too seriously. i.e. Singing rational humorous songs (RHS) when disturbed or write RHS.
Shame-attacking Exercises	Confronting the fear of shame by deliberately acting in ridiculous, though harmless ways, that may attract disapproval while, at the same time, using coping strategies to increase ones tolerance for discomfort and not take the disapproval too seriously and see that a stupid act does not make a stupid person.
Show/Hide BEHAVIORAL AND ACTIVITY METHODS
Exposure/ In vivo desensitization	Deliberately repeatedly entering feared situations normally avoided by exposing oneself to them, coping with them, testing out ones beliefs and working through them.
Risk-taking	By repeatedly taking risks to question the belief that certain behaviors are too hazardous to risk. To deliberately take a risk and do something frightening and then to get it in a more proper and sensible perspective and see one can stand it.
Reinforcement and penalizing	Reinforce doing something enjoyable after only after something onerous. To use penalizing after indulging in destructive behaviors.
Paradoxical behaviour/ Stepping out of character	Deliberately behaving in a way contradictory to an undesired tendency and gradually internalising new habits and acknowledge ones ability to think and act against disturbances.
Staying in difficult situations	To deliberately stay in difficult situations until ones beliefs have changed unhealthy to healthy emotions.
Problem solving and skill training	Develop better effective problem solving capabilities and learn and practice useful skills.
Relapse prevention	Ward off relapses, acceptance of oneself when relapse and then revert to self-constructive thoughts, feelings and behavior on fall-backs.
Penaizing imagery	Using penalizing by imagining obnoxious and grim images whenever having irrational beliefs before indulging in self-defeating behaviors.

Use of these multimodal methods in a holistically integrated manner is essential in getting better, and a REBT therapist is selectively eclectic in the use of these methods. In REBT therapy and counselling, through a therapeutic structured working alliance, they are part of a collaborative process and many of them are used in homework exercises between sessions to encourage clients to practice their acquired therapeutic insights.

REBT general promoted attitutes

• Striving to, though not perfectly demanding, acquire, vigerously have and hold USA (Unconditional self-acceptance), UOA (Unconditional other-acceptance), ULA (Unconditional life-acceptance).
• That the concept of self-esteem is very undesirable because it is essentially highly conditional self-acceptance. It means bigotedly and narrowly priding yourself when you do well, and fall on your face and denigrate yourself as a person when you naturally and talently do bad. REBT therefore encourages and advocates the much more sensible concept of unconditional self-acceptance by surrendering your pretensions to superhumanness and illusions and illegitimacy of subhumaness - for instead to choose to accept yourself and others with your and their limitations and fallibilities.
• To get a realistic view on your capabilities and limits, identifying and experiment with ones purposes and goals and working hard at, but at the same time not demanding to reach them. Further that goal-seeking and experimentation often go together, and that it is mainly sensible to both be spontaneous and planned to discover what you truly prefer. To help yourself to be more self-fulfilling by finding ways of fulfilment, happiness and meaning and going after those ways, while at the same time not obsessing about other people think you should do. This often means to find out experimentally what is best for you in the adventure to lead as meaningful, happy and fulfilling personal and social life you can lead.
• To have the courage to change the things you can, the serenity to accept (but not like) the things you can't - and the wisdom to know the difference (Reinhold Niebuhr: The Serenity Prayer). To whenever possible, try to change things you dislike but acknowledge that there will be some things that unfortunately cannot be changed. You then have two choices - to rail against fate and stay distressed; or to unconditionally accept life with its often grim realities and move on the best you can.
• Risk-taking: Although it is often a good idea to pursue a reasonably level of safety and freedom from fear, human also better sometimes pursue a reasonably degree of risk taking. To grow as a person and improve quality of life means sometimes being prepared to take a few chances.
• To have enlightened self-interest and social-interest; To act in our own interests, but also have social interest and take into account the interests of others and our social group. This means the related tasks of satisfying both self-interests and social interests since you will always be much of a social creature, and had better try to preserve peaceful social life and happiness in the community you live in.
• Part of emotional disturbance is caring too much what others think, not by taking them seriously - which is quite sensible - but to self-defeatingly taking them too seriously.
• Discipline and responsible long-range happiness seeking: To be in the present and be reasonable happy here and now, but not overtly indulge in short-term pleasure that gives you in and prevents you from experiencing happiness and fulfilment in the long run. In other words: Living for the present with an eye to the future is often a good ideal.
• A self-helping nondevout attitute toward life events in general and having self-direction, tolerance, flexibility, being committed and vitally absorbed in long-range interests and projects, commitment and having acceptance of reality, ambiguity and uncertainty.
• The understanding and insight are never enough. In order to get better, people almost always have to vigorously and forcefully pinpoint, attack and act against their irrational, self-defeating philosophies and rigorously work at changing them to more rational, functional and self-helping ways and thereby make themselves less disturbable.
  

This has just been a short introductory appetizer to REBT, and in order to learn more fully about REBT, its methodology, and how to apply it I recommend to go through and visit the various REBT resources on this website.

References

Dryden W., & Neenan M. (2003). Essential Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy. Wiley.
Dryden W., & Neenan M. (2005). Getting Started with REBT. Routledge.
Ellis A., & Harper R.A. (1997). A Guide to Rational Living (3.edition). Wilshire.
Ellis, A. (1994). The Essence of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT): A Comprehensive Approach to Treatment. Retrieved August 16, 2007, from The Albert Ellis Site
Ellis, A. (1998). Albert Ellis at 85: Professional Reflections. Journal of Rational-Emotive & Cognitive-Behavior Therapy, 16(3).
Ellis, A. (2001a). Feeling better, getting better, staying better. New York: Impact Publishers, 2001.
Ellis, A. (2001b). Overcoming destructive beliefs, feelings, and behaviors. New York: Prometheus Books.
Ellis, A. (2003a). Early theories and practices of rational emotive behavior theory and how they have been augmented and revised during the last three decades. Journal of Rational-Emotive & Cognitive-Behavior Therapy, 21(3/4).
Ellis, A. (2003b). Helping people get better rather than merely feel better. Journal of Rational-Emotive & Cognitive-Behavior Therapy, 21(3/4).
Ellis, A. (2004). The Road to Tolerance. New York: Prometheus Books.
Froggatt, W. (2005). A Brief Introduction To Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (3. edition), New Zealand Centre for Cognitive Behaviour Therapy.