The World of REBT: "Preaching the gospel according to St. Albert"

A saying

"We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been small in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken away from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s way."
- By Viktor Frankl from the book "Man's Search for Meaning"

A prayer

"Lord, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things which should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other." - Part of Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr

A story

Two Zen Buddhist monks came to a stream, which was pretty rough, and encountered a beautiful young woman, 21 years of age, who couldn’t swim and who asked them to carry her across it. One was an old master of 90 and the other was a young novice of 20.

The young woman said, "Masters, the stream is flooded. I really can’t swim. Will you help me across?" The young monk was horrified at her request and replied, "No madam I’m sorry, we’re sworn to chastity and I can’t carry you across the stream. I can’t touch a woman. I can’t do it." The old monk thought for a minute and then he said, "Alright I’ll help you." So he took this beautiful young woman in his arms, had her put her lovely arms around his neck and her breasts close to his breast and he carried her across the stream. She thanked him very much and they both went on.

The young monk couldn’t get over the old monk’s unchaste behavior. He said, "Master, how could you do a horrible thing like that? Take this beautiful young woman in your arms, let her put her lovely arms around your neck and her luscious breasts close to your breast and carry her across the stream like that?" And the old monk said, "My son, you’re still carrying her."

An analogy: The human being raised by wolves on a desert island

Originator of REBT, Albert Ellis tells: "Suppose you were raised by a wolf on a desert island. They took you in at the age of two months and they raised you. You're now, you think, a wolf. But you're handicapped. Because when the wolves destroy an animal to eat you get to it last. You can't run as fast as the other wolves. But there is another wolf, like you, who is also handicapped. He's lame. So you both get to the carcass last. So you both conclude, in wolf language, 'I'm handicapped; I'm inadequate in running, in getting to the carcass. Isn't that bad!' But only you, the human, say to yourself, 'Therefore, I'm a shit.' Does the wolf ever really put himself down? I say no. He doesn't generalize and make himself into a rotten wolf, as the human often makes himself into a rotten person. He feels very sad, upset in that sense. But I don't think he'd say, "I'm a rotten wolf." But you, a human, would.

So I say that humans, for evolutionary reasons, learn (a) to put others down—'We'll just kill the bastards before they kill us'—and (b) to put themselves down. And maybe that's helped them to change their behavior, because to some degree if you beat yourself you change your behavior. I think humans innately down themselves. Then it gets exacerbated by others saying, 'You're a bad boy. You're a bad girl.'"

- From the article "Albert Ellis at 85: Professional Reflections" (From the Journal of Rational-Emotive & Cognitive-Behavior Therapy)

A fable: "The Fox and the Grapes"

In the hot summer's day a certain fox saw a juicy bunch of grapes hanging from a vine. It certainly was very hot, and the fox was thirsting for something to drink. "These grapes are just what I need to quench my thirst!" said the fox.

But the vine on which the grapes hung was too high for him to reach even with his longest stretch. So he decided to jump.

Drawing back a few paces, he ran towards the vine and took a great big leap, but missed the grapes. Turning around, he jumped again. This time too, with no success. The fox tried to jump for the grapes again and again and yet again, to no avail.

Since he could not reach the delicious looking grapes, the fox finally concluded, "These grapes must be sour!" and walked away with his nose in the air, though hotter and even thirstier than before!

- From Aesops Fables

An anecdote: "When Albert Ellis overcame his shyness of approaching women"

Albert Ellis, recalls:
"I was scared shitless of approaching women. I flirted with them in Bronx Botanical Garden near my home, but I never approached them, made up all kinds of excuses.

So I gave myself a brilliant homework assignment at the age of 19 when I was off from college, to go to Bronx Botanical Garden every day that month, and whenever I saw a woman sitting alone on a park bench, I would sit immediately next to her – not in her lap – which I wouldn't dare do before, and give myself one lousy minute to talk to her. If I die, I die, screw it so I die. And I did that. I found 130 women sitting alone that month on the park bench. I sat next to all of them, whereupon 30 got up and walked away, but that left me an even sample of 100 good for research purposes. I spoke to the whole hundred for the first time in my life about the birds and the bees, the flowers, their reading.

And if Fred Skinner, who was then teaching at Indiana University, had known about my exploits, he would have thought I would have got extinguished, because of the hundred women I made one date and she didn't show up. But I prepared myself philosophically even then – it was before cognitive therapy really – by seeing that nobody took out a stiletto and cut my balls off, nobody vomited and ran away, nobody called the cops. I had a hundred pleasant conversations and the second hundred I got good at and made a few dates."

And Albert learned he wouldn't die from rejection and that it was not the end of the world. He even tried with a second 100 when he got good and even made a few dates, and as he said: "got to be 'one of the best picker-uppers of women in the United States.'"

Recalled by Albert Ellis to Psychotherapy.net & New York Times

A collection of legends

Albert Ellis on Buddha, Epictetus and Dalai Lama:

The first legend: Buddha

"Buddha was a very wise man. And he said that you are naturally disturbed by biology and environment, but you could choose not to be…you didn’t really have to upset yourself about anything. Buddha (saw terrible things) and he created enlightenment. You are a fallible, screwed- up human and you live in a fallible, screwed up society. At first (Buddha) was very upset about all the poor people and all the diseased people, but he saw that you could be enlightened and choose enlightenment."

The second legend: Epictetus

"2000 years ago, Epictetus, a slave of the Romans, a Greek slave, showed how he could not be upset when terrible things happened to him. He was a slave, and he had chains on his legs, and the master who owned him started tightening the chain on his leg, and he said, 'Master, if you keep tightening those chains you’ll break my leg.' The Master did break his leg and…(he was a cripple for the rest of his life).

Ellis then spoke of one of the cornerstones of REBT, quoting (or paraphrasing) Epictetus:
'It’s not the bad things that happen that upset you, its view of them.'

 (Epictetus) said calmly, (to the master), 'See you broke my leg,' and the master was so impressed he freed him and he became (a philosophical leader in Rome). He did it with his own reasoning."

The third legend: Dalai Lama

"The Dalai Lama was taught as a young child not to upset himself. And he had real adversity. He was a Tibetan and the Chinese controlled Tibet and …(he was persecuted, forced to live in India) but to this day, the Dalai Lama has compassion for (the Chinese), not anger, not depression, not anxiety. (He found a way into) accepting them unconditionally just because they’re human."

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- Spoken by Albert Ellis to Advice Goddess Blog from Evolution of Psychology conference in Anaheim

A collection of quotes: "In the spirit of REBT"

Epictetus: "Men are disturbed not by things, but by the view which they take of them."
Epictetus: "There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will."
Marcus Aurelius : "If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment."
Immanuel Kant: "Always recognize that human individuals are ends, and do not use them as means to your end."
Viktor Frankl: "When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves."
Viktor Frankl: "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."
Mark Twain: "Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first."
Alfred Korzybski: "A map is not the territory it represents"
Helen Keller: "All the world is full of suffering. It is also full of overcoming."
Helen Keller: "Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold."
Helen Keller: "Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved."
Alfred Adler: "Meanings are not determined by situations, but we determine ourselves by the meanings we give to situations."
Alfred Adler: "It is always easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them."
Bertrand Russell: "I think we ought always to entertain our opinions with some measure of doubt. I shouldn't wish people dogmatically to believe any philosophy, not even mine."
Karl Popper: "In so far as a scientific statement speaks about reality, it must be falsifiable; and in so far as it is not falsifiable, it does not speak about reality."
Karl Popper: "Whenever a theory appears to you as the only possible one, take this as a sign that you have neither understood the theory nor the problem which it was intended to solve."
Pogo, the comic-strip hero: "We have met the enemy and it’s us"
Common saying: "Sticks and stones may break my bones (but words will never hurt me)."
Thomas Alva Edison: "Genius is 1/10% inspiration and 9/10% perspiration"
Benjamin Franklin: "There are no gains without pains."
Paul A. Hauck: "The upshot is that perfectionists achieve near-perfection at great cost to themselves, or achieve far less than those persons who only want perfection."
Oscar Wilde: "Anything worth doing is worth doing badly"
Yiddish proverb: "The truth resides in the eyes and the lie resides behind the eyes"
Zen Buddhist teaching: "When you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him"
Paul Tillich: "Cruelty towards others is always also cruelty towards ourselves."
John Donne: "No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent."
Eleanor Roosevelt: "No one can offend you without your permission."
Jean-Paul Sartre: "We must act out passion before we can feel it."
John Dewey: "Skepticism: the mark and even the pose of the educated mind."
Alfred Korzybski: "There are two ways to slide easily through life; to believe everything or to doubt everything. Both ways save us from thinking."
Ludwig Wittgenstein: "Nothing is so difficult as not deceiving oneself."
Confucius: "Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance."